(c) 2009, Timothy P. Bete and Cap'n Billy "The Butcher" MacDougall

Top 10 traits that show
your new baby
has great potential
to be a pirate

(10) When mom’s water broke, the baby yelled, “I sail with the tide!”

(9) When the doctor slapped your baby’s bottom, the baby slapped the doctor back and then grabbed the doctor’s head with the forceps.

(8) In the hospital nursery, your baby stole blankets and pacifi ers from the other infants and then denied it.

(7) Other babies’ ankle bands say “Baby Girl” or “Baby Boy.” Your child’s says “Baby Pirate.”

(6) When the hospital photographer took a picture of your baby, your baby asked if it was for the “wanted posters.”

(5) You found your baby in the hospital cafeteria telling stories about his most recent voyage.

(4) Your physician asked, “Do hooks run in the family?”

(3) Your baby doesn’t have any teeth—just like most adult pirates.

(2) During labor, your spouse shouted things you thought only came out of the mouths of pirates.

(1) By the time your baby left the hospital, the doctors and nurses were calling him “Captain.”

Back to
Table of Contents

Guide to Pirate Parenting

Cap'n Billy "The Butcher" MacDougall's
The hysterically funny parody of parenting advice books

The paperback version of
Guide to Pirate Parenting
is available from ThinkGeek.com.