(c) 2009, Timothy P. Bete and Cap'n Billy "The Butcher" MacDougall

Top 10 signs your pirate
is ready to venture out
on his own

(10) Your teen’s cell phone ringtone is a sea shanty.

(9) Your teen complains that his allowance isn’t high enough to pay for “lavish pirate lifestyle.”

(8) Your teen gets misty-eyed when watching Pirates of the Caribbean movies.

(7) Your teen has already put a crew together, and they’re spending way too much time watching TV in your basement and eating your food.

(6) A high school aptitude test showed your teen has great talent for high treason and skullduggery.

(5) Your teen’s college entrance application essay that compared university professors to “drunken parrots with computers” didn’t impress any schools.

(4) Your child is already wanted in 16 states and on three oceans.

(3) Your child finally finished patching the holes in the hull of the 100-foot schooner that’s been on blocks in your backyard for six years.

(2) Cap’n Billy asked your teen to join his crew.

(1) You recently changed the locks on your doors and didn’t want to spend the extra $1.29 for a key for your teen.

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Guide to Pirate Parenting

Cap'n Billy "The Butcher" MacDougall's
The hysterically funny parody of parenting advice books

The paperback version of
Guide to Pirate Parenting
is available from ThinkGeek.com.