(c) 2009, Timothy P. Bete and Cap'n Billy "The Butcher" MacDougall




Top 10 malicious behaviors that 
are signs of a healthy young pirate

(10) Stuck sibling’s hook in an electrical outlet.

(9) Replaced all the gunpowder with baking powder right before a big battle.

(8) Watered down the rum.

(7) Tried the old “putting black shoe polish on the inside of dad’s eye patch” trick.

(6) Flushed sibling’s goldfish during a “burial at sea” but didn’t wait until the fish were dead to do it.

(5) Put termites on Cap’n Billy’s wooden leg.

(4) On Halloween, replaced the traditional trick-or-treat greeting with “Your money or your life!”

(3) Threw live sharks in the neighbor’s hot tub.

(2) Told teacher his homework was “eaten by a giant barracuda when the family’s ship wrecked on a coral reef near the Dry Tortugas.”

(1) Plagiarrrrrrized a homeworrrrrk reporrrrrrt about Gerrrrald Forrrrrrd.


Back to
Table of Contents



Guide to Pirate Parenting

Cap'n Billy "The Butcher" MacDougall's
The hysterically funny parody of parenting advice books

The paperback version of
Guide to Pirate Parenting
is available from ThinkGeek.com.